Thursday, December 29, 2011

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 3


A topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR! We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty. In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.

Everything Old is New Again

I feel fortunate to see the natural hair trend of today, being a child of the 50's and 60's, I've seen hair and other trends make a full cycle.

My earliest natural hair memory is of my mother.  Her hair was loosely curled, black with  grey at the center peak the swirled throughout her hair.  My greying pattern began in my late 20's the same way.  Other women around me had either hot comb straighten, "nappy" hair, or a combination of both.

As a girl, my hair was usually combed in five "plaits" - one on each side, two in the back, and a big one on the top of my head. They were fasten into place by barrettes or bobbie pins.  My hair was thick and "loosely nappy."  The only time I was subjected to the hot comb was on Easter or for a special school play.  I hated it!  Getting your hair hot combed meant you have to sit completely still so you wouldn't "sweat it back." This was torture.

Done at home in the kitchen, heating the comb and curling irons on the gas stove meant no regulated temperature.  Too much hair grease, most often White Rose petroleum jelly, and the hair would sizzle like chicken frying in a skillet. You couldn't flinch when you were tagged and holding your ear down to get to the hair behind your ear also put your fingers in peril.   After she successfully straighten every strand of hair, my mother would scrub my neck because the grease, sweat and body oil would collect. No black necks allowed.

With my hair straighten, I could wear the ponytails I begged for tied with ribbons.  My straight tresses lasted only a few hours because I could never "stay on the porch" to keep from running and playing and sweating back my kinks.  My infrequently pressed hair routine lasted throughout my early childhood of the 50's and early 60's. 

After my mother passed, my father remarried to a woman who pressed my hair a little better than I was used to, but the home perm was her thing.  Now in my teens, the perm was introduced in my household.  This was a whole new level of torture because the perms were lye-based. Now we're talking about chemical burn - a packaged conk. It was the same concoction I watched my uncle mix in the kitchen as a child using potatoes and lye.

It brings to mind the scene from Spike Lee's "Malcolm X" where Denzel and Spike get their first "process."  The longer you leave it in, the straighter the hair.  With the goal being, as Denzel's Malcolm admires his transformation in the mirror, "Looks white don't it?"

After the torture of the perm application process, I had to roll it on hard plastic rollers held in place by boddie pins that heated up (burned again!) while I sat under the dryer to get a set curl.  Again the sitting still annoyed me.

The whole process would leave chemical burn patches along my hairline and any tender spots on my scalp.  My hair would be matted in these spot and if I was lucky if my hair didn't come out with the scab.

Then in the late 60's and early 70's came the Black Movement which introduced... the Afro!  This time  brought about more than self-awareness.  It ushered in a healthy natural hair revolution.

As excited as I was about wearing hair chemical-free, now my problem was my hair would not kink or curl completely to get the look right.  I had a lot straight strands of hair sticking out amongst the kinks.  I tried washing my hair with beer and other home remedies, but I could never "rock a Fro!"

During the early 70's,  I covered my hair with fashionable scarves and hairpieces while my hair grew out naturally.  But by the mid-70's, I was back to the perm/relaxer.  The ingredients of the product had somewhat improved but not much, so I only permed my hair every now and then until recently.










I was never comfortable with using any hair other than my own, except for a brief period when my daughter braided my hair with extensions.  Once again my problem with braids was being able to sit still long enough to achieve the look.








My last perm/relaxer was December 2010.  This wasn't an intentional move but other things in my life became higher on my priority than fooling with my hair.  The last thing I had time for was my hair.




































Another catalyst for my purposefully accidental transition to natural was witnessing Latifah's transformation with her beautiful natural kinky curls.  She makes her own hair care products from all-natural, everyday ingredients, attending natural hair care workshops, and doing her usual due diligence and research to make sure she was able to pass it along to her family.

Finally, there is my granddaughter whose kinky-curly top is beautifully inspiring. 



All these influences came at a good time.  Aging, chemical processing, flat ironing, and stress were thinning out my hair.

My daughters would twist/bantu knot my hair to create curls to help me transition from relaxed to natural, but I was impatient with the hair that wouldn't curl.  I would find myself in the mirror seeking out perm strains and cutting them off, until I just had a mini-fro.  Latifah and Ilyasin would chime in, "Mama you're doing too much.  You have to be patient.  It's not gonna happen overnight."

















This month marks one year of being chemical-free and I'm loving it.  No more thin, straight, and weaken hair.  It's thick, soft, and all mine!  No more itchy chemical scalp and it has grown nearly the length of my pre-natural hair.

































Natural fits my overall style and lifestyle - the "just roll wit it" me.


- Lois

Saturday, December 17, 2011

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 2



A topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR! We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty. In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.

I hate hair!...

Not just my hair, but the fact that anyone has it on their head.

As you can see my journey did not start off on a high note.
For as long as I can remember I have almost always hated the idea of having to "do"my hair. But it seems my hair journey has been the essence of "do." I have done just about everything you can possibly imagine to my hair. From a jeri curl to bleaching, dyeing, bonding, home relaxers, salon relaxers, burnouts, blowouts, sew-ins, braids, twist, bald fades, texturizers, high-lights, to "going natural"- my poor hair follicles have been through it.
HAIR, Who Cares!!

I recently crowned myself the "Queen of Bad Hair Days." I'm now back at that "in between" stage, trying to make the decision on whether I should relax my hair again or let it grow back into its natural state. It's funny how relaxers convince you that you have the easiest, most manageable hair, but a few weeks later remind you that you can no longer "relax" without having to relax.

Most mornings I wake up and look like Don King. If I forget to tie my hair down, it has a fit.  Me and my combs have verbal disagreements. Well, the conversations are usual one sided - me cursing and the comb bending..... its such a painful hassle. 
This is what I woke up looking like, yeah I forgot to tie her down.


Wigs ya Digs....

The thing I have come to realize is that my hair is a direct link and reflection of who I am. I am multidimensional, indecisive, ever-changing, artistic, free and can adapt to most any environment. 
I kind of look at my hair as a complete accessory. Actually, I wish it was more like a hat or scarf, something I can snatch off right before I go to bed, and throw on when I go out.

Maybe that is where my love for wigs comes from.  As a performing artist, I found a little more confidence in wearing wigs. It cuts down on prep time, I never have to wear it the same way, and it brings out my inner diva. Way before we knew who Nikki Minaj was I was rocking purples, blues, reds, and any color that fit my mood.

On the Stage, trust me, the wig was giving me life.



I am actually a little more comfortable in extravagant colorful wigs than in natural hair color wigs and weaves. The purpose of me wearing wigs is not to pretend the hair is mine, but to accent, exaggerate, and elevate my image. I have tried  long, short, wavy, straight, and layered natural colored wigs. I like the natural looks, but am more comfortable is a loud, expressive, and unnatural color like "blurple".

When I was modeling, I remember reading  Tyra Bank's "Beauty Inside and Out", trying to figure out the shape and dimensions of my face to determine what hair length and styles would work best for me. I couldn't tell if my face was the oval shaped or the long shaped dimension. So I took it upon myself to declare myself an oval shaped, only because the book said any style would work with that shape.

I think I may have a "shape-shifting" head and face, because I have literally tried every style and I would be darned if they didn't work, in my opinion. I guess over the years I have built a confidence in my physical appearance that allows me to explore, accept, rock whatever I feel.



My Naturally UnNatural Self
When it comes to the hair that actually grows from my scalp, I am just as indecisive if not more about style, length, and color. Every since I started actually caring for my own hair I have had a relaxer, so I think relaxing my hair is more of a comfort and habit than anything else.  My go to relaxed style is short and sweet. From a classic pixie style to a modern mullet or mohawk, I have spent most my years in this style.

Low and Easy
The easiest way to wear my hair has always been to cut it low and start all over again. No waking up looking like every night was a wild night. I could jump up and go at anytime without all the maintenance. Something about my short hair is empowering. It makes me feel elegant and strong.

 
Luckily I have a descent size head for a close cut.

I "kink" I can

In 2010, I made an effort in going "natural" along with my big sis and mom. It seemed easy at first, partially because I am use to having low cut hair. Getting use to my tight resistant grade of hair was a struggle but I made it 7 months and then the kinks finally needed to be set free.

I actually liked my natural hair, only thing was it felt a little bit boring. But now as I watch my sister and mom have so much freedom in their natural looks, I am getting that ole natural feeling again.

That's me, the one without the natural hair. Wearing the hat because I couldn't decide what to do with my relaxed hair.


When All Else Fails, Just Cover it Up
So as you can see my journey in hair is never-ending and ever-changing. Until I can make up my mind, which may never happen, there will always be scarves and hats.

Growing up Muslim taught me the art of rocking a stylish and beautiful head dress.


In all I have discovered that all is fair in the game of hair. No telling what I will decide to do with it by the next blog post...




~Ya Za







Friday, December 2, 2011

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 1

      
We are beginning our post series, "Learning & Loving Me," with a topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR!  We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty.  In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.





The #1 Reason I Decided to “Go Natural”  



For years I’ve struggled with my “hair identity.”  Since I was a young, I was never one of those girls who could create cute hairstyles and maintain any style for more than a day.  I still remember the sweating anxiety during my first hot comb experience and the burn of my first relaxer.  From this first time, relaxing my hair was a monthly routine (because my hair was so thick and “unmanageable”) in my life for many years.  As I grew older, this didn’t change.  I went from a chair in my mom’s kitchen to my stylist’s chair in the salon.  Once I found someone who could manage my mane, I was a loyal and frequent client.  



As my professional career developed, I experimented with hair extensions, sew-ins, and micro braids looking for more versatility in my styles and sleeker, more sophisticated looks.  Styles and looks I could never achieve with my own hair.  

My favorite sew-in look even though it stressed and damaged my edges

Micro braids became my go-to signature look much to the detriment of my edges


As the years passed, I missed my own hair and I wished I could wear it out naturally but this idea was really scary.  How would I look wearing my kinky hair?  How would people react to the change?  Would I look as attractive and appealing, not only to others, but also most importantly to myself?  I struggled with this dilemma for some time until a couple of years ago.



So what happened?  What made me decide to get beyond my fears and doubts?  What was my primary reason for deciding to wear my hair out in its kinky curly state?...



... MY DAUGHTER (soon to be daughters).  




 
When my little one was born, my hair was already chemical-free and thoroughly kinky from years of hiding it under sew-ins and braids.  After seeing my beautiful little girl and watching her grow over the first few months, I realized the powerful and significant role I played and would continue to play in her life.  As she grows older, she would look to me first as an example of womanhood and I would be her initial source and reflective image as she developed her own identity and concepts of beauty.  



During her first year, her soft and curly hair gradually transformed to its permanent kinky curly state. At this point it became important for me to make sure she did not grow up experiencing the same identity issues I had regarding my hair.  I didn't want her growing up thinking her hair wasn't pretty, not because her hair didn't look like other little girls or women on TV and in magazines, but because when she looked at me she didn't see herself, her hair.     

 
I wore my last sew-in at her 1st birthday party - November 2010



How could I be a model of the unique beauty of our natural hair if when she looked at me she only saw layers of ultra straight and shiny hair that wasn’t mine because my real hair was "hidden" underneath?  I don’t want her to experience the paralyzing effects of a hair obsession; hindering her from developing her self-identity independent of her physical appearance.  Thus, the beginning of my determination to “let it (my natural hair) all hang out!” It hasn’t been easy.  Learning to proper maintain and care for my natural hair has been a fun learning process.  More updates to come.


Out and natural for over a year.
Everyday we play with flowers...
Everyday I let her know her natural is so beautiful.


Latifah

Friday, November 25, 2011

Five Lessons Learned from Our Joy-Filled Thanksgiving



1.   Don’t make things harder than they have to be.
      
       Don’t over think the meal.  We established our must-haves, what was optional, and went from there.  Opting on store-bought desserts this year saved us a lot of grief.  When two of the three cooks are preggo, simplification is key.  Everything doesn’t have to be perfect.  What’s most important is the time shared with family and friends and creating lasting memories.  We'll get Mama to make her homemade, from scratch, lemon meringue pie next year.


2. Things go great when we all cooperate.    
       
       Animosity and bickering were reduced to a minimum when it came to clean up time.  For us, and many families, the pile of dishes, pots and pans, and silverware in the sink and along the counters, plus the disappearing act pulled by some folk after taking their last bite, is enough to make the happiest hostess frown.  Previously, we used to leave the majority of the cleaning for the next morning, but that was even more frustrating.  So, this year we extended our bonding and laughing time back to the kitchen where the chore of cleaning didn't seem so overwhelming.  It went kinda fast, actually.


3. Let kids be kids.   
       
       We had to overlook some things to fully enjoy the day.  Relaxing the rules for a few hours didn't lead to any catastrophes beyond repair.  Let them take part in the process as much as possible.


             Happy, exhausted, well-fed kids sleep so well at night.

Can you see the sleep in her eyes?
4. "Get somewhere and sit down!"  
   
       It’s important to get some rest before the guests arrive.  Energy is needed to not only cook, but to eat and to laugh.  I personally think my mac and cheese tasted so much better when prepared after my hour power nap.  We all got along a lot better after going to our own corners for a little while to recharge and mentally prepare for the main event.


5. Laugh! Laugh! Laugh!  

       The problems of our lives were forgotten, if only for a moment, when we got lost in the sounds of joy, contentment, and love.  A game of cards,  a couple rounds of BINGO with the kids, and a simple conversation over dessert was the cherry on top of our imperfectly blended family apple pie.



We're looking forward to another year together and the next Thanksgiving.  Giving thanks for every day we have with each other.

Love, Peace, and Craziness... It's who we are!!!