F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 1

      

We are beginning our post series, "Learning & Loving Me," with a topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR!  We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty.  In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.

The #1 Reason I Decided to “Go Natural”  

For years I’ve struggled with my “hair identity.”  Since I was a young, I was never one of those girls who could create cute hairstyles and maintain any style for more than a day.  I still remember the sweating anxiety during my first hot comb experience and the burn of my first relaxer.  From this first time, relaxing my hair was a monthly routine (because my hair was so thick and “unmanageable”) in my life for many years.  As I grew older, this didn’t change.  I went from a chair in my mom’s kitchen to my stylist’s chair in the salon.  Once I found someone who could manage my mane, I was a loyal and frequent client.  

As my professional career developed, I experimented with hair extensions, sew-ins, and micro braids looking for more versatility in my styles and sleeker, more sophisticated looks.  Styles and looks I could never achieve with my own hair.  

My favorite sew-in look even though it stressed and damaged my edges

Micro braids became my go-to signature look much to the detriment of my edges

As the years passed, I missed my own hair and I wished I could wear it out naturally but this idea was really scary.  How would I look wearing my kinky hair?  How would people react to the change?  Would I look as attractive and appealing, not only to others, but also most importantly to myself?  I struggled with this dilemma for some time until a couple of years ago.

So what happened?  What made me decide to get beyond my fears and doubts?  What was my primary reason for deciding to wear my hair out in its kinky curly state?...

... MY DAUGHTER (soon to be daughters).  

 

When my little one was born, my hair was already chemical-free and thoroughly kinky from years of hiding it under sew-ins and braids.  After seeing my beautiful little girl and watching her grow over the first few months, I realized the powerful and significant role I played and would continue to play in her life.  As she grows older, she would look to me first as an example of womanhood and I would be her initial source and reflective image as she developed her own identity and concepts of beauty.  

During her first year, her soft and curly hair gradually transformed to its permanent kinky curly state. At this point it became important for me to make sure she did not grow up experiencing the same identity issues I had regarding my hair.  I didn't want her growing up thinking her hair wasn't pretty, not because her hair didn't look like other little girls or women on TV and in magazines, but because when she looked at me she didn't see herself, her hair.     

 

I wore my last sew-in at her 1st birthday party - November 2010

How could I be a model of the unique beauty of our natural hair if when she looked at me she only saw layers of ultra straight and shiny hair that wasn’t mine because my real hair was "hidden" underneath?  I don’t want her to experience the paralyzing effects of a hair obsession; hindering her from developing her self-identity independent of her physical appearance.  Thus, the beginning of my determination to “let it (my natural hair) all hang out!” It hasn’t been easy.  Learning to proper maintain and care for my natural hair has been a fun learning process.  More updates to come.

Out and natural for over a year.

Everyday we play with flowers... Everyday I let her know her natural is so beautiful.

Latifah