Yeah, I could have started this post off like, “I am the proud mother of two beautiful boys,”but I know that most of us “social media” addicts are attracted to the so called “ratchetness” of situations... lol.
I have spent many nights wondering how in the world was this life as a super single mommy was going to work out for me. I haven't had time to even comb my hair today, let alone think about another man, another relationship, another somebody to cook for, entertain, and share space and time with every day. But the fact is, it's only human nature to think about these things.
Sometimes I have ask myself -
Will another man want a woman with my cargo? (I refuse to call my babies “baggage!”)
How will I deal with my sons’ fathers and the new man in my life meeting?Can I balance being a mommy and dating someone new?
Will I find someone who will accept my sons equally?
Will any man ever be good enough for my sons?
Is marriage for me, at this point in my life?
Can I even trust another man to be in our lives?
Well, today I've decided to get over it! Though those questions will forever be in the back of my mind, I've found that dwelling on them only feeds the fear of change. I made the conscience decision to choose my happiness and the welfare of my sons over being foolishly in love with the idea of being in a relationship.
I think I struggle so much with the notion of being “alone” because of my love and want for the “family life.” I have always had my parents plus some. The fact is that underneath all this "Ya Za-ism" is a nurturing and domestic homebody.
In the case of my sons’ fathers, I want to live out my days without the drama that comes with “forcing” a man to be a Man. That good ole baby mama/baby daddy drama is not in my blood. I keep the stresses as low as possible by losing all expectations of them; so whatever, if ever, and whenever they do anything remotely close to what they should do, I will be amazed.
Not that either of them are bad guys, but some good people are just not meant to be together. I won't waste any energy (at least not in this post) putting them on “blast,” complaining or blaming. I look at them as half of the reason I am blessed with the gorgeous faces I get to look at daily.
So here’s to being single, strong, resilient, happy, open to change, and most of all the best mother that I can be… Here’s to Self-Love!
LOVE,
No comments:
Post a Comment