Who Said I Had To Let Go?

There are some things of which I can never have too many - handbags, pjs and journals to name a few.  However, (deep breath) I finally resolved to thin out my handbags this past weekend.  Very traumatic! With each bag I could see exactly why I bought it, which does not set well with my resolve.


I asked Ilyasin to help me decide which bags to keep and which bags I had to say "goodbye" to forever.  She was of some help, but then I thought of a brilliant alternative!  I'll say I'm "giving" the bags to her, that way they would remain "in the family" and  I could still carry them when the urge hit me.  Genius!!!  Well, I managed to fill a small box with bags I will part with reluctantly, but they are still sitting in the hallway.  They are still sitting there so I am faced with rethinking my decision to let them go.  They still call out to me - "But I go so well with your brown boots" and "You can never have too many black handbags."  Pray for me...

Now to my journals.  When my daughters were babies and preschoolers, I suffered from severe insomnia.  I filled those nights with reading, practicing calligraphy, rearranging rooms in the house, drawing, and keeping journals.  I found pleasure in my singular activities, even though I would be exhausted by daybreak.  I loved the quite hours.  Sometimes, I could read a books from cover to cover in one night and write detailed thoughts and observation in my journals.  Writing helped me figure things out and release thoughts I did not, could not, or would not share with anyone else.  

So, how could I possibly part with the journals already full of a life lived before today? Mostly spiral notebooks I picked up here and there, my journals were nothing special until the first mark was made on the first page.  The words, the emotions, the expressions of my life at the time that my pen whisked across each page might one day find themselves in the someone's hands and that things I did not, could not, and would not share then will now be known.  Although years have passed, I still don't know if I'm ready for them to be exposed.


As time passed, I began to write brief entries in my journals and reading shorter and fewer books.  It seemed the nights had gotten shorter and days filled with much more to do. When my girls were in high school, I re-entered the public workforce.  My quiet nights of reading and journal-ling haven't been the same since.


Instinctively, I began collecting beautifully bound journals, a lot of them.  I justified it by telling myself I will now have books worthy of my thoughts and future sharing.  Well, this weekend I looked at each one and decided, one day things will slow down and I will write again. To my daughters. To my grandchildren. To my husband. And what I have to say to each them will fill volumes.


I couldn't possibly consider putting my hands on these journals that sat untouched and ready for the ink to fill the lines of their pages.  I had yet to experience the joy of filling each one with my thoughts.  So, I think I will keep my beautiful blank journals for today.


Lois

Getting Our Financial Lives in Order

I've always considered myself to be a very responsible and diligent person when it comes to money and finances.  Sometimes the pressure of paying bills on time, monitoring my credit, saving, investing, and planning for the future can get quite overwhelming and frustrating because I want to make sure I'm making the right move at the right time.

A couple of years ago, I was shopping online at The Limited and clicked on a link for LearnVest.com. I believe at the time I've discovered them, the company was just getting started.  LearnVest was started by young woman who wanted to empower women everywhere to take control of their personal finances so that they can afford their dreams. The website offers information, tools, advice, and support for women seeking to "earn well, save well, and spend well."

Since discovering LearnVest.com, I participated in four financial LV Bootcamp Programs (They've recently added a few more.  I will definitely check them out.).  Their Investment bootcamp  really helped me make sense of the confusing world of stocks, mutual funds, and overall investing.

My husband and I were even able to speak directly to an LV Financial Advisor about our current financial situation, buying a new home, and whether to rent or sell our current home.  The advise and support we received was very helpful and encouraging.  Mom and I both have benefited from taking advantage of the LV-Approved Accounts recommendations.

I highly recommend women of all ages who are seeking to "get their financial life together" to check out LearnVest.com.  The tools are so helpful and easy to use and understand.  The daily emails are informative and the monthly "to-do" lists keeps you on track and on task. MyLearnVest allows you personalize your financial picture to assist in progressing towards your goals.

And for all of the working professional mothers, like myself, who have a whole 'nother layer(s) of responsibility in managing personal, family, kids and their financial needs and future, there is LV Moms!  I LOVE IT!!!

I could go on and on about the many helpful tools and information available, so go check it for yourself.  From checking and savings accounts to home ownership to retirement and investing, LearnVest.com is excellent resource and guide to a richer life.

Latifah
(LV member since 2009)

What's Holding You Back? 9 Ways to Spark a Breakthrough

Whatever your goal, there comes a point when you require a special kind of strategy to jet propel yourself to the next level.

By Lindsy Van Gelder
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the October 2011 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Illustration: Istvan Banyai

Maybe you've hit a motivational wall and need to get back on track. Or maybe it's time to head down another road entirely. But how? What you're looking for is a breakthrough. Here are nine ways to make it happen.

1. Go Public

When Grand Plans linger in the daydream stage, there's always a risk that they'll die there. Going on the record is one way to keep them alive. "If you tell everybody you're running a marathon, you don't want to quit," says Laura Skladzinski, who at 24 briefly held the record as the youngest woman ever to have run marathons in all 50 states. Months before she started her record-breaking quest, Skladzinski launched her blog, 50by25.com, to force herself to press onward. "When you put your goals in front of others, there's accountability," she says—and serious motivation in not wanting to lose face or let yourself down.

2. Join the Club

Whatever your goal you can draw enthusiasm and ideas from like-minded dreamers. Comeback Moms provides advice to women reentering the job market. The Freelancers Union offers meet-ups, Webinars, and job leads for consultants, graphic designers, writers, and other independent contractors. SparkPeople includes free personalized weight loss tools like meal plans and fitness trackers and support from millions of members. Edison Nation links inventors with companies that can turn their ideas into products.

3. Confront the Risks

You might think that projecting certainty will get your loved ones to buy into your goal, but often it's being honest and vulnerable about the stakes that can really activate your support system. When Cynthia (C.J.) Warner, a former BP executive, craved a career change, she sat down with her husband and two teenage kids and candidly shared the potential consequences. They would have to return to the United States from England, where they'd lived for a decade. There would be less money...or even no money for a time. On the plus side, she'd be developing renewable energy. "My kids were captivated," says Warner. "My son said, 'That's so cool, Mom; you've got to do it,' and my husband was supportive, too. So I dove in." Now she is president of Sapphire Energy, a thriving firm that develops fuel made from algae.

4. When in Doubt, DIY

If help isn't forthcoming ask yourself: 'Is there another way to make this happen?' For Amanda Hocking, hundreds of rejection slips initially crushed her hopes of being an author. "Then I realized, if you have a dream, you can't let people tell you no," she says. "I decided to do whatever it took for my books to get out there." So she self-published her novel electronically on amazon.com. The first day, she sold five books; the next day, five more. Hocking kept writing—and publishing. Pricing her books low (some at 99 cents) and releasing frequent new titles helped fuel her fan base. Today she has grossed $2 million and become a best-selling e-author on Amazon. She's poised for stardom in the print world, too: St. Martin's Press offered her a four-book, $2 million deal and bought the rights to her series, The Trylle Trilogy. The first one will be printed in January

5. Rely on the Kindness of Strangers

Biologists Jennifer D. Calkins, PhD, and Jennifer M. Gee, PhD, raised $4,873 to study quails in Mexico. Scott Wilson pulled in nearly $1 million to design a wristband that turns the iPod nano into a watch—and his creation is now sold in Apple stores. Musician Jenny Owen Youngs came up with $38,543 to record an album. Each of these projects owes thanks to Kickstarter, a Web site for creative types. Along with sites like IndieGoGo and RocketHub, Kickstarter allows you to post detailed proposals online and solicit pledges to make them happen.


6. Know Your Strengths


Sometimes Strengths—your ability to speak Spanish or repair gadgets—seem so obvious, they're easy to overlook. After a volunteering trip to a refugee camp in northern Uganda, Hunter Heaney persuaded his friends Anna Gabriel and Chris Holmes to join forces for Ugandan women he'd met, many of whom had been widowed and raped, and had children who had been kidnapped and forced to join militia groups. They knew they wanted to help, but their plan really ignited when Gabriel, the daughter of musician Peter Gabriel, realized she could tap her formidable Rolodex. "I've been surrounded by a network of musicians all my life," she says, "and I realized that was something I could give." So they created the Voice Project, in which famous musicians record a cover song on video, then invite the covered musician to do the same and, well, play it forward. The music video chain now includes Andrew Bird, Billy Bragg, Mike Mills of REM, and Gabriel's father, among others. So far the project has raised $225,000 for the Ugandan women.


7. Spread the Word


When Vicki Abeles realized that the endless homework and standardized-test preparation being forced on her kids was souring them on school, she decided to make a documentary about the problem. With little hope of landing a conventional distributor, the lawyer and mother of three school-age kids screened her film at every church, library, and school that would have her. Viewers told their friends and fellow parents, who requested screenings in their cities. "We developed a supportive community for the film by word of mouth," says Abeles. The rough cut expanded to a feature-length film, Race to Nowhere, that's now been watched by some 750,000 people in thousands of venues across 17 countries. Abeles, who frequently moderates audience discussions afterward, says, "With every screening, the conversation about homework is starting to change."


8. Cultivate Wonder


"Many of the world's inventions don't come from people simply working hard and throwing themselves at a project," says life coach Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD. "They come from wonder—from curiosity and a willingness to be delighted. That is your fuel source and your reservoir, and most people need to practice it at least ten minutes a day." The best way to shake free of your usual thinking patterns, Hendricks adds, is to make the sound hmmm aloud. "It's impossible to criticize yourself when you're making that sound," she says. "Follow it up with a question: 'Hmmm, I wonder what the company logo should look like. Hmmm, I wonder if I need a Web site. Hmmm, I wonder if I can....'" The answers will often launch you into new territory.

9. Embrace Your Critics

Naysayers come with the territory. Baseball lover Justine Siegal endured a lifetime of put-downs. As a 13-year-old, she was told that her coach didn't want her on his all-boy team. At 16 she heard that no man would listen to a woman on a field. "I'm shy but determined," says Siegal, who in 2008 spoke at the Society for American Baseball Research conference. "I stood in front of hundreds of people, mostly men, and asked them what major league baseball was planning to do beyond selling pink jerseys to get girls involved." Soon after, Siegal was hired as an assistant coach by minor league team the Brockton Rox. Then Siegal, a longtime pitcher, reached out to major league managers about going where no woman had gone before: to the pitcher's mound during spring training. Everyone turned her down, but she persisted with in-person pleas. This past spring, Siegal pitched batting practice for the Cleveland Indians. She went on to throw for the Oakland A's, the Tampa Bay Rays, the Houston Astros, the New York Mets, and the St. Louis Cardinals. Sure, it's intimidating. But every time she climbs the mound, she says, "I take all the butterflies and trembling and I just stuff them."


Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Making-Your-Ideas-a-Reality-Whats-Holding-You-Back/2#ixzz1a8WqbXbN

Fashion Friday: KEZA

In the winter of 2009, I had the honor and pleasure of working with the amazing fashion team for the jewelry line, Keza. I have done plenty of runway shows, but this one stands out for me because of the amazing story behind the product. These handcrafted, beautiful, one of a kind pieces are a must have for any woman.

Take a look the team's journey from poverty and oppression to sustaining themselves through their own business.  It is beautiful and inspiring to witness.

KEZA is an ethical fashion label. We discover uniquely gifted artisans, expand their design capacity for the western market and connect them to the international luxury fashion industry.
We foster true independence and dignity for our artisan partners and their countries as a whole. KEZA utilizes excess and recycled materials and eco-friendly production methods in order to contribute to a greener earth.
   The KEZA brand provides an optimal viewing environment for showcasing the beauty and excellence of the developing world.
KEZA works closely with indigenous entities such as governments, associations, universities, artisans and workshops to bolster the fashion industry in the countries we work in.
In addition to advising on products catered to the Western market, we also advise on how to capitalize on high-end local markets and how to leverage the fashion industry to encourage more tourism and boost the local economy.
    In August 2011, KEZA partnered with the Mombasa & Coast Tourist Association (MCTA) to form the Swahili Coast Fashion Group, dedicated to developing the fashion industry on the Kenya Coast.                                                                                                                          
                                                                                                                                   ~(courtesy of Keza.com)


Here is highlights from the 2009 Fashion Show in Nashville... Look closely you'll see me strutting my stuff...                                                                                                            


~Ya Za

Flawed, Fabulous... and in a Funk

Yeah, I said it... funk. Navigating through some of life's trials can do that to you. Oh, we are suppose to be perpetually on our "A" game, that's just not reality. There are some things "stuck in my craw." Here goes....


I want to talk about my brother not being here anymore, how he could bop so cool, make more noise than his grand nieces and nephews when he's playing with them, and all the other things he was and wasn't. I know I will move on in time, but he still lives in my memories and not talking about him is not an option. He was my insight into the life of my maternal grandmother I never knew. Him being the oldest, had the most memory of my mother who passed when I was 10 years old.


I think because he had her the longest, he missed her the most. She passed while he was away in the Army. I'll never forget his red swollen eyes coming up the stairs in his uniform with just a glance at me and closing his bedroom door. I was excited as always to see him because he was such fun, but not that day. No, my big goofy brother's heart was broken and for 48 years on Septmeber 19th, I could hear a little of that heartbreak when he spoke of her, but the ache was out weighed by his great love and admiration of her. She was his biggest support, she was his greatest love.


He remember where we each lived, the description of our home. How mother would get my dad off to work and he and mom would spend the day a her parents house across the street, until time for her to prepare dad's dinner.


He would tell me of relatives, most I only knew by stories told of their "antics", my great uncles I knew only as a young child, their wives and women. People I thought were related because of their ever presence. All the whys and whos. He remembered everything of our growing up and it was wonderful to hear him recount each story. He took great pleasure in doing this, especailly if someone initiated the conversation.


His biggest dream was to own enough land that each female of his family owned a parcel to build her home, that will always be "hers". This land would have a family cemetary, which we would move my mother and her parents. My oldest sister told me he had actually drafted several layouts. One of his trades was drafting.


This dream was one we had in common without ever speaking of it until three years ago. It was eery that the dreams were so similiar. Now (God willing)when I get the land I will do the honors of moving mother, grandparent, nephew and big brother to the family's final resting place.


Please everyone, particularly young people who don't know about the real body (blood pressure, cholesterol, your family medical history), start now doing the things that will grant you a long life worth living. To not take care of your health (mental too!) is selfish and unfair to those who love and depend on you, even they don't know that they do. That strut ain't cute when that body's shot to hell!


Remember the caregivers. Thank them. A caregiver's life is timed around the needs of someone they love and who, without their care, quality of life would suffer.


Say thank you and I love you often. Kiss, hug and pray. Sometimes press your face in your pillow and cry. Or just sit and listen to the sounds and movements around you, footsteps in the hall, children laughing and crying, and those sounds getting closer to you. Light snoring, bed covers shifting, dishes clanking, scent of familiar foods cooking, and your own heart beating. Yes, I am alive and still in the game.


-- Lois

Preggo O.O.T.D. - 9/16/2011

Six months down and only four more looooooonnnnnnngggggggg months to go. I am expecting my third child who is scheduled to arrive on my 35th birthday. Another girl who, if she’s anything like her sister… OMG!!! 


With another addition to our family, I’ve had to make some adjustments in the budget. One thing I’ve learned from my previous pregnancies is the dread of shopping and buying maternity clothes. Clothes that I’d where during my time of expansion and get rid of or pack away after delivery. Although my plan was to still remain fashionable in my maternity looks, this plan was quickly stalled. For the everyday career woman, finding maternity clothes on par with my regular attire proved to be quit challenging. Not to mention the fact that the maternity clothes cost just as much as regular clothes. It’s hard to dish out the cash for items that are not only temporary but, sometimes, “ain’t cute.” 


Today, based on these previous experiences, I really was determined to find another option for my maternity wear especially for work. I had to figure it out quickly because three months in it was already a battle trying to button my regular size 10 pants. UGH!!!


During the summer months, I opted for dresses (some regular and some I just happen to have from my previous pregnancy two years ago that were still fashion-passable). Now the weather is changing and I was determined not to dish out a whole lot of money for unfashionable maternity wear. Then I found minefornine.com 


Through a Google search for “maternity clothes rental,” I found this website that specializes in name-brand maternity clothes for working expectant mothers. You have the option to rent or buy a fashionable variety of tops, pants, skirts, suits, and evening wear. I placed my first rental order a couple weeks ago and I’m so excited with the quality, fit, and look of the items I selected. 


Flawed and Fabulous presents... “Preggo O.O.T.D.” A segment that features looks from minefornine.com that fit the needs of the everyday working mother without sacrificing style and comfort.


Our first look proves that white after Labor Day is no longer a fashion faux pas.

 

Top – Rosalie Top by Ripe Maternity (1 month rental)


Pants – my own regular white pants I’m still able to wear with the help of a bellyband


Shoes – my own metallic floral wedges (only heel I can wear comfortably in my perpetual state of discomfort)


Jewelry – my own silver multi-chain necklace and CZ teardrop earrings I saved so much money by pairing the maternity top with items I already owned and will wear after delivery.

  So easy. So comfortable. 

So cute. So me!








Coming Soon... Flawed & Fabulous on YouTube

featuring O.O.T.D.s, candid interviews and more!!!

Opening the Flood Gates

Just days before Latifah brought the blogging idea to me, I was telling my sister that we, I, need something to help me break through the heavy-hearted feelings our family has endured in the last month.  The loss of my big brother signaled the beginning of a life without the people with my closest DNA.  Not that this situation is unique to my family, but it was just another jarring wave along with all the other waves constantly rushing over me during this time in my life.  In the mist of this loss, my husband became seriously ill, and although he is doing better, his illness brought a stark reality to light - the possible beginning of the end game.


So when the "idea woman," Latifah, announced that we were going to start a mother/daughter/sister blog, I thought this would be something new and different for me.  It would be something completely outside of my normal mode of operation and at the same time could possibly be the therapeutic rejuvenation I much needed.


So here I am, attempting to open the flood gates of my life that have been chained and locked for so long.  Yet, I must stay true to myself and test the waters before jumping in this vast sea.  I have a ball with these two nutty daughters of mine.  They have two different personalities, but can be so much alike sometimes - especially when it comes to trying to rule my life.  And I'm not having that!


We have done some joint projects together in the past that were always successful, with the most valuable "take away" always being the time we spend together; the laughs, the spats, and the final result of a collaboration of our individual talents.


I clearly remember every detail of both pregnancies, births, and the rearing of these two extraordinary women.  But during all that time, I never knew I was raising dear friends who would openly include me in their lives as a valued voice.


So here we go on another one of our joint ventures.  Hopefully, the waters won't get too deep before I learn how, and more importantly, gain the desire to swim.


- Lois